Cinematic Releases: Total Recall

By now, everyone knows that I'm a hard sell when it comes to remakes. They are and always will be an extremely touchy subject for me. Why? Well, most fail to capture what made the original film worthy of the remake treatment in the first place. Unfortunately for us, this weekend's release of Total Recall will not only disappoint  but will also make you wonder what the hell they were thinking.

The first fifteen minutes of flashy effects and shiny robots will wet your appetite for a solid sci-fi action film. What you'll be served is a pile of uninspired, by the books celluloid that is literally the most boring movie I've seen this summer. Total Recall is the exact reason that I despise most remakes. And just when I thought it was bad, it got even worse by adding nonsensical nods to the original. Actually, I'm angry right now. This movie straight up pissed me off.

Once you get past the over zealous effects and cliched dystopian environment, you are hand fed some of the worst acting ever transposed to film. Beckinsale is corny as hell and no competition for Sharon Stone's original vision of this character. Biel, physically fit as ever, does her best but falls flat under the direction of Len Wiseman. And Colin Farrell once again nose dives in to a big budget movie with one of the absolute worst roles of his not so illustrious resume. At this phase of his career, his agent should be guiding him towards smaller dramatic films like In Bruges or Pride and Glory. He needs to stay far away from blockbuster summer fare. It doesn't suit him.

I've made an appointment for tomorrow morning. I'm going to visit Rekall and have my memory wiped of this dreadful piece of cinematic trash. Avoid Total Recall at all costs.

Comment below. No registration necessary!