Cinematic Releases: Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies, where do I start? Many early reviews of this film have stated that this is the zombie answer to Twilight. To put it simply, it's not. In fact, it's much worse. That really hurts to say because I'm not a fan of the sparkly vampire craze in the least bit. As a matter of fact, I despise Twilight in every sense of the word. Those films are cheesy, dispensable train wrecks in their own right and they give the real vampire genre a very bad name. Warm Bodies does much worse than that. It's a boring, uneven film that tries to mix comedy with brain eating horror and fails at every turn. Despite a few minor laughs, the stunning Teresa Palmer, and a new, unique twist on the current zombie craze, Warm Bodies is absolutely dead on arrival.

Around the twenty five minute mark, I was squirming in my seat, wondering when this awful piece of cinema was finally going to hit it's stride. It never does. Instead, it carries on and on and on with no attention paid to the viewers that are sitting through this boring attempt at zombie comedy. Teresa Palmer is the best thing about the movie, which really had me questioning John Malkovich and his choice to play one of the main characters. He must have really needed a paycheck because this movie is one of the worst decisions he's ever made. Luckily, the elderly woman next to me was making snide comments throughout the whole movie, keeping a smile on my face and even making me laugh a couple times.

Thankfully, Warm Bodies will go down as the beginning and end of the zombie comedy. I'll be ecstatic when this doesn't get a sequel. It doesn't deserve one. If anyone in their right mind ever tries to mix these genres again, they need to think a little harder and find a way to make it interesting because this movie is just an outright snooze fest from beginning to end. The characters are unlikable. The story is garbage. The screenplay is absolutely uncomfortable at times. To put in simply, Warm Bodies is the failure that we all expected it to be.

Note: When writing this, I completely forgot about Shaun of the Dead. That's how zombie comedy should be done.