Ahhh... A new scoring system. So fresh and so bullety. Why bullets? Because America. That's why.
Allow me to explain our amazing new ratings which you can reference with our handy-dandy key above.
1 - This film is a "dud." There is literally nothing whatsoever even remotely redeemable about this film. It is an abomination and an embarrassment to humankind. Everyone involved in its production should be ashamed of themselves and give their bodies up to science for experimentation normally reserved for cute bunnies and monkeys.
2 - Just plain bad. There might be a single moment (or quality) of the entire production that is tolerable. It's kind of like watching your dementia-ridden grandmother crap in her diaper three times a day while receiving her only sustenance from a tube travelling directly into her stomach. You love her, but no one will say what you're all thinking.
3 - Charmingly awful. This is that elusive sweet spot where films that are so bad they're good fall into.
4 - Barely salvageable. Just a notch under mediocre, though there might be very few genuinely great moments, it is ultimately weighed down by one appallingly bad scene after another.
5 - Perfectly mediocre. Humdrum. Run-of-the-mill. There is a near exact balance of both awesome and awful consistently combating each other and can be frustrating to endure or just plain leave you with a mostly forgettable, been there, done that experience.
6 - Decent. Just a notch above mediocre. This film reaches greatness, and might have some superbly crafted scenes, but is sadly hampered by a few seriously lame hang-ups or puzzlingly dull creative choices.
7 - The Bronze Bullet! Very Good. This kind of film exhibits some exceptionally original or exciting qualities, and while we might not find it to be a very spectacular film overall -- maybe there's some nagging bits that we just can't get with -- it definitely could be an amazing experience to some and we highly recommend you see it to decide for yourself.
8 - The Silver Bullet! High entertainment. It's very hard to say anything bad about this film -- and what we could say might just be nitpicky. Only the harshest of film snobs could possibly not enjoy themselves during this thoroughly enjoyable film.
9 - The Golden Bullet! Near perfection. An absolutely brilliant experience from beginning to end that is a must-see and a must-own.
10 - Direct Hit! A masterpiece. The rare and coveted "Bloody Bullet" from The Movie Sleuth. A film so touching, so brilliant, or so astoundingly ambitious and yet manages to achieve everything it sets out to do. This is a legendary film that should go down as one of the strongest benchmarks of cinema. And if you don't agree, you're wrong. DEAD wrong.