New To Blu: Hatchet III

It’s always sad to see a promising franchise go down the tubes. I suppose it can be hard to keep a horror concept fresh, but I suspect most sequels (especially horror films) are done for quick cash grabs and not for adding anything to the story. The first Hatchet was a clever homage to 1980’s slasher flicks and was a whole lot of fun for genre enthusiasts. The gore was awesome, it was well shot and the writing was legitimately funny. Hatchet III shares none of these traits and is a disappointing movie all around.

The story picks up right after the events of Hatchet II and can be confusing if you haven’t seen that film. They make no attempt to fill you in on the prior story or the background of Victor Crowley, the monster of the series.  There are ways to do this that aren’t obvious to the audience and the director didn’t even attempt it--that just seems lazy to me. If you have seen the other two, Hatchet III doesn’t add anything new to the mythos and rehashes the same tired horror movie clich├ęs that we are all so familiar with. The jokes fall flat and the writing in general is awkward and snore inducing.

The acting is terrible and not in an endearing B-movie way. Victor Crowley is seen/used way too much and isn’t menacing and scary like he was in the original movie.  Now, being a gore-hound, I will give this movie credit where credit is due—the makeup and effects in this movie are top-notch. They think of some hilarious ways to kill people and Crowley is one brutal S.O.B. Arms and legs go flying everywhere and there are glorious crimson fountains of blood in almost every scene. If you are into that kind of thing, this movie delivers on that front.  Everything else is so lackluster and mediocre however, and it makes it a chore to wait for the good parts.  It’s like fast forwarding a porno to get to the sex scenes…what’s the point?  That being said, I really can’t recommend this movie, even to Hatchet fans.  Just rewatch the first film--you will have a much better time.

-Review by Michelle Kisner