The Movie Sleuth's 5 Worst Movies of Summer 2013


These recaps are always interesting because its way too hard to see everything that's been released. So, I'm gonna do my best to recount the worst movies of summer 2013. You may disagree or you may wonder why The Lone Ranger didn't make this list. Honestly, I enjoyed that movie much more than the insipid World War Z or the tedious Man of Steel. So, here it is. This is my list of my lowest rated movies of summer 2013.

5. Kick Ass 2 - Despite my absolute love for the first movie, Kick Ass 2 is as close to the definition of train wreck as you can get. They wrote off everything that made the first movie so good and went with a low brow director that couldn't direct an animated episode of My Little Pony. Except for a couple grandiose action sequences, this sequel does not live up to the reputation of the first and in some ways hurts the legacy of the original. Jim Carrey was outspoken about the violence featured in this movie. I don't get the concern. It was nowhere near as violent as the first. Even the foul language was cut back. Kick Ass 2 was a dire disappointment and terrible follow up to one of my favorite comic book films.

4. Getaway - This film is the perfect example of how not to make an action film. It's also an exercise in how to tarnish Ethan Hawke's resume with one of the worst movies ever shown in the multiplex. If any film this summer could be called an embarrassment to the art of film, it's Getaway. There is not one redeeming quality about this movie. For an action film to be good, it needs originality, quality direction and a sense of tension. Getaway doesn't feature any of these and is one of the worst car chase movies in the history of car chase movies. Someone hose this movie down. It stinks like the rotting career of director Courtney Solomon.


3. RIPD - Of all the movies released this summer, RIPD came and went the quickest. It was gone in about two weeks. There's a reason for that. Audiences were hip to this Men In Black ripoff and decided to see something else instead. Nothing about RIPD was original. In fact, many of the scenes were direct spins on scenes featured in MIB. For the first time this summer I was insulted by a movie that thought it was smart enough to fool audiences in to not seeing the plagiarism. RIPD is the one time this summer that my feet were just itching to get up and walk towards the glowing exit sign.

2. After Earth - Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Will Smith tries to force feed us his son's lack of talent in a movie devoid of plot in After Earth. Yes, there were some great visuals throughout, but it wasn't enough to convince sci-fi fans that this was a good movie especially in a summer with a Star Trek sequel and an upcoming Pacific Rim. After Earth was short on story, directed by a soulless M. Night Shyamalan, and was a heavy handed manipulation by Will Smith to make audiences accept his son as a good actor. There are two words to describe this movie: Epic fail.

1. The Hangover III - In what world is a giraffe being beheaded considered funny? If you can tell me, I'd really like to know because I'd like to stay far far away that deep dark hole of animal hatred. The Hangover III is one of the worst comedies ever produced (is it even a comedy?) while hinging on being one of the most disrespectful pieces of garbage EVER released to theaters. Within fifteen minutes my leg was shaking with anxiety. My eyes and ears couldn't believe that this one time outstanding comedic franchise was being dragged through the mud with a disingenuous script and a film that wasn't anywhere near funny. Listen. If you have John Goodman and you can't draw one second of comedic inflection from him, you're done. Put the Hangover series in a box and bury it somewhere.

- Article by Chris George

4 comments:

  1. Hey you hear that?
    .......
    Oh yeah, It's the sound of nobody giving a fuck.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love it when people comment to let you know how much they don't care. Hilarious!

      Delete
  2. You hear that? That's the sound of someone that has no other way to express themselves other than sinking to profanity. Go back to your cave.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was equally disappointed with Kick Ass 2. It was really boring and there was a speach about what it meant to be yourself, like, every five minutes.

    ReplyDelete