Fire
up your VCR or Betamax, there are new movies to watch at home!
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| "Still sad about Waterworld....." |
3
Days to Kill
Now available on Blu Ray and DVD, 3 Days To Kill is just that. Advertised as a
Luc Besson "project," the movie is a maladjusted spy thriller that
can't find even footing much less a succinct plot or method of delivery.
One
part family drama, one part action flick, 3 Days To Kill is unequivocally one
of the biggest cinematic failures of Costner's career. It's not his fault that
the movie sucks, though. He actually does his best to round out McG's latest
outing as a notoriously bad and unfocused director. But with the material he's
given, he simply cannot save this sinking ship. Likewise, Amber Heard's mildly
erotic yet totally flat characterization only adds to this cinematic lost
cause. 3 Days To Kill flounders between the lead character's personal demons
and family issues, taking central focus away from the high energy cat and mouse
game audiences have paid to see.
3
Days To Kill starts out like a hard nosed James Bond picture but tragically
shifts focus into an unexpected story about a father dedicated to the
"job" which inhabits his whole life. Costner tries his hardest to
fill the role of calculated agent, but falls short under the direction of a man
who couldn't direct his way out of a cardboard box. On another note, these
interchangeable villains are non-threatening foreign people with bad accents
and handguns, that have no motivation other than being angry little men with
metal briefcases.
Most
critical film goers are aware of McG's lack of creativity or dynamic. 3 Days To
Kill should have been renamed "3 Ways To Kill McG's Career based on these
three major points: bad editing, terrible scripting, and all around bad
casting." Heard, Nielsen, and Steinfeld all stand around looking pretty,
but they never add anything to this second rate McG flop of the highest order.
3
Days To Kill died a box office death like everything else McG does, and
deservedly so. This is predictable nonsense plus typical family melodrama, with
a dash of badly paced action sprinkled on top. Do yourself a solid, see
something else. Fight the power.
-CG
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| "Bring forth the return of 24!!!" |
Pompeii (Available in
Blu Ray and Blu Ray 3D)
Mastermind
of mediocrity Paul W.S. Anderson takes a break from the Resident Evil franchise
to give us something even worse. It's called Pompeii, and it's a human calamity
far greater than the real life disaster of 79 AD. Before you rent this on
demand or check it out on Blu Ray, keep in mind you might get burned by a lack
of dialogue, badly rendered effects, and a romance that's directly stolen from
a little movie called Titanic. Tell me Joey, ever heard of a thing called
plagiarism?
Pompeii
boldly erupts lava, silly gladiator battles, and a corny love story all over
your HD screen while it steals and mangles parts from twenty other far better
movies. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but theft is just
plain wrong. Whoever glued this mess together should be caged with a bunch of
sweaty men waiting to do battle with a legion of trained swordsmen before being
eaten by a blood thirsty tiger.
If
you see this one, get the *3D* Blu Ray because its the best thing about the
movie, but that's not saying much. This version of Pompeii is a by-the-books
love story mixed with predictable action sequences, tons of destruction and a
lead actor who barely mumbles twenty lines of dialogue throughout his ninety
minute impression of Orlando Bloom.
Paul
W.S. Anderson squeezes in as much sword play as possible while we wait around
for the oncoming onslaught of Mt. Vesuvius in all her fiery glory.
Unfortunately, the studio was more focused on typical action tropes and a corny
love at first sight story than they were on delivering a great disaster movie.
Pompeii needed a better plot to build up to the oncoming destruction, but their
final product is just another mediocre February release with little to like.
Worst of all is Kiefer Sutherland's dire attempt at a British accent. Why does
he have a British accent in ancient Rome, anyway?
When
it comes to Paul W.S. Anderson, you know what you're going to get. He
specializes in bringing sub-par popcorn fare to the screen with no shame or
forgiveness for his lack of talent. If he'd paid a little more attention to BIG
details like plot development and script, Pompeii could have been a contender
for this year's best disaster movie. Instead, we ended up with a movie more
focused on imitation than creation, which ends up making this an embarrassment
and a disappointment all around.
-CG
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| "Yes. We're here for the good edit of Batman and Robin." |
The
Monuments Men
After
a long delay, the untold story of The Monuments Men finally hit theaters
earlier this year, and it lands on Blu Ray and DVD today with a nearly
disastrous thud. What could have been an excellent World War II drama with a
stellar cast ends up falling short of the greatness we've come to expect from
these guys.
It's
not a terrible film by any means, but it's one that fails to make the heroic
connection that it tries so hard to accomplish. Were these men heroes? Yes. Did
they put themselves in harm's way to save priceless art? Absolutely.
Unfortunately, The Monuments Men is extremely slow, lacks detail, and doesn't
allot any time to building back story or the human component that could have
made it a stand out feature.
I've
heard numerous reports of fellow film enthusiasts falling asleep during the
(multiple) dull parts of The Monuments Men. While I personally never dozed off,
I can totally see how it could happen. For a movie that is about American heroes
hunting down art that the Nazis have stolen, there is a surprising lack of
excitement, and nothing to keep audiences enthralled at the spectacle of this
real life adventure.
The
Monuments Men is a historic story that definitely deserves a theatrical
treatment. Something is amiss in this production: The scenes don't flow well
together, and the connectivity between characters feels forced and unnatural.
But my biggest complaint is that The Monuments Men is its severe multiple
personality disorder. It can never decide whether its a comedy, a drama, or a
straight up World War II movie.
George
Clooney has proven himself time and time again, but this time at bat, he just
doesn't reach his typical greatness. When I heard about the scheduling delay,
my instincts told me that trouble might be brewing with this release. I guess I
was right. There's an obvious reason why this got pushed to February; it's just
not that good.
-CG