Bloodsucking Bastards is now in limited release and on VOD. Read our blood curdling review.
|"I can't even imagine the comments|
Donald Trump would have about this picture."
Trying to reproduce many of the tones from Office Space, Bloodsucking Bastards is an absolute miss that never even comes close to one funny joke. Despite a few scenes of satisfying bloodshed, the movie tries way too hard and fails miserably at every single turn. With Cabin in the Woods star Fran Kranz leading the abysmal charge backed up by the beautiful Emma Fitzpatrick and a cast of actors that couldn't be less funny, Bloodsucking Bastards is more uncomfortable than watching your own mother in a porno. Stealing direct plot points from other far greater films and further nixing any semblance of comedy with terrible actors sends this thing right to the bottom of the barrel of 2015. Bloodsucking Bastards looks like a cheap, dimly lit television show from beginning to end, only trumped by uncomfortably bad dialogue and actors that suck.
If you're going to try to mix Shaun of the Dead with that previously mentioned office comedy, you better be on point or this is exactly what happens. You get reviews like this one. Bloodsucking Bastards should have been called A Soul Eating Ninety Minutes That You Just Wasted Money On. It's hard for me to stress how bad this thing is without starting to have heart palpitations. I honestly cannot believe anyone in their right mind thought there was anything creative or well written enough to make a project out of this lowly devised script or idea. This is bottom rung, direct to VOD trash that belongs nowhere near a cinema or your living room.
I've really enjoyed Fran and Emma in other projects. Sadly, this is a blood saturated red mark on their resumes. Bloodsucking Bastards is a ten wipe cinematic turd ready to be flushed.
Like this review? Please share.