Cinematic Releases: The Transporter Refueled

Can anyone fill the shoes of Jason Statham? Nope. Probably not. 

"I really wish I was Jason Statham.
But I'm not. Kill me please."
Fantastic Four has officially been relieved of its status as the worst motion picture of 2015. The Transporter Refueled is the biggest disaster of the year as it shares nothing in common with the Jason Statham movies and their legacy of roadway carnage.

With no direction whatsoever, major continuity issues, a soulless score, almost no vehicular action, and a wooden lead actor, this reboot/continuation is a total dud that should definitely close out any ideas of moving forward with more Transporter movies. Refueled looks like a low budget TV show that bears no similarities to its predecessors. To add fuel to the fire, there are only a couple car chase scenes and they look like they were ripped from some mind-numbingly bad made for cable late night movie. While the Statham flicks weren't necessarily intelligent  they at least had some character. This thing takes the cake as the worst end of summer movie I've ever seen and is definitely the worst movie of 2015.

With no explanation whatsoever, we're given a new actor (Ed Skrein) taking over as Frank Martin. Unlike the previous version of the character, this Frank has no charisma, doesn't appear physically menacing in the least, and often times looks like a beat up, no talent version of Nicholas Hoult with battle scars. Skrein paired with the strange placement of the hyper talented Ray Stevenson as Frank Sr. plays like a poor man's version of Harrison Ford and Sean Connery in The Last Crusade. With the repeated use of the nickname "Junior" and absolutely no chemistry between the two, the film quickly unravels and becomes unbearably annoying with a plot as thin as a dollar store rubber. If there is any saving grace in Refueled, it's the gorgeous and seemingly graceful Loan Chabanol. She belongs in the Bond universe much more than in this cheap cash in. Sadly, she's used more as eye candy than anything else.

"What AM I doing here? Take me to
the world of 007."
There's a reason this had a review embargo. Word spreads quickly when it comes to movies and Refueled would have been vanquished critically weeks ago. If this had cost me any more than the couple bucks I spent on concessions, I might consider suicide right now. They should have titled this thing The Transporter Ran Out Of Gas because there is just nothing to like about a product so devoid of any positive qualities. The first Transporter movie was a pleasant surprise that helped catapult the career of Jason Statham. Refueled is the exact opposite. This is the type of cinematic massacre that will have audiences leaving the theater early and will probably destroy the early career of the disturbingly untalented, Ed Skrein.

I know that this is strictly spoiler free, but this really bothered me. When a girl gets shot in the gut, ends up on her deathbed and is up and awake the next morning in a skimpy dress running around with a gun, you just have to shake your head and realize one thing. This is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Transport this, bitch. 



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