Reviews: The Orange Man

Read Lee's sticky review of the indie comedy horror flick, The Orange Man. 

Juice facial!!!
Brace yourselves. What you are about to read is true. I’m not making any of this up. 

The Orange Man is about a group of old friends who go on a fishing retreat and find themselves at the mercy of a sadistic killer whose weapon of choice is oranges. If it sounds ridiculous, you're right. Then again, there is nothing about this film that should be taken seriously. Promoted as a slasher/ comedy, The Orange Man plays out like Adam Sandler's Grown Ups, minus the wives and kids. It's full of goofy characters and is a non-stop eye rolling joke reel dominated by urination scenes. Because let's face it, fart jokes have been done to death. Gallons of water and several squeeze bottles help to achieve several POV piss shots that play out like a fire house spraying out of control. It's reasonable to wonder if director Stephen Folker didn’t write this script when he was 15 years old and has been waiting around for the right opportunity to make this film ever since.

With a Kickstarter budget of $21,000 (I'm just as shocked as you are) the film's bizarre plot revolves around a jaded orange farmer with a hook for a hand. You read that right. A hook for a hand! He lurks around the woods with a sack of oranges and passes unseen. Never mind the color orange is named after the brightly colored fruit, and is the chosen color worn by hunters so they can be seen - in the woods - by other hunters. The Orange Man does what the Orange Man wants. He walks while others run and manages to keep up, he can throw an orange from 50 yards away and hit you in the head with a death blow, and if he drops his sack of oranges, he has a deadly hook. You get the point (Ha!). He’s a creepy dude, but I suspect if put in a similar situation, most people would laugh to death before he could inflict his vitamin C fueled instant death punch. You know, when you grip an orange and punch someone with it to end their life. Where Folker really dropped the ball is the Orange Man’s dialogue. The character doesn’t have any hokey citrus related punch lines, like "Orange you glad you're dead" or "I'm about to open a Tropicana-Whoop Ass."

Hey!!!! Someone stole my
fuzzy navel!!!
It's tough to sum up this film, it's falls in that low budget horror middle ground between “It's Good” and “So Bad It's Good”. Given the plot and wacky story it certain suffers from trying too hard. The death scenes are mild. Ridiculous killers call for ridiculous deaths. It would have been fitting to see an exploding orange blow off someone's head, or someone spit up pulpy orange blood. I have a peeling it would have put this film on par with some of the memorable over the top deaths from Troma Entertainment. Unfortunately it's like comparing apples to... well oranges. The death scenes just happen because it's a horror movie. They’re not overly gruesome, nor overly outrageous, resulting in a not overly memorable film.

Orange you glad you shared this review. 
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Lee L. Lind