Ms. Kisner reviews Michael Jackson's Moonwalker.
|Are you a rabbit or a donkey? I can't tell.|
Either way, you're sexy as hell.
His elf-like visage permeated every aspect of our culture: records, television, commercials, clothes, toys, bed spreads--you name it, they slapped his face on it. It was inevitable that eventually they would make a movie starring Jackson in the main role. However, since this was the eighties, they ended up making the most over-the-top and insane cinema oddity you can imagine. That movie was simply known as Moonwalker. If you haven't seen this film nothing can prepare you for how ridiculous and self-indulgent it truly is.
|Styx wrote a song about me.|
Some of you younger folk won't remember this, but back in the day we didn't have any of that new fangled CGI for our films. We had Claymation, and by God we liked it! And so, Moonwalker has an entire random segment with Michael Jackson being chased around by Claymation bad guys at which point he turns into a Claymation rabbit and rides around on a motorcycle. I am not making this up, this is a real thing that happens, and it's awesome. There is absolutely zero reason for any of this to occur and no explanation is given at any point. That's how Moonwalker rolls--you're just along for the ride.
|This floor is leaning. I said.|
This floor is leaning.
We aren't done yet, because if you are a giant robot fan then Moonwalker has some sights to show you as well. Jackson has to battle an evil drug lord named Mr. Big (Joe Pesci) and because it's the eighties he TURNS INTO A FREAKING ROBOT and fights the bad guys with missiles and his scream attack that shatters things. Then he turns into a spaceship and flies away.
Whenever I try to explain this movie to people they think I am making this shit up. Things like this are why the '80d were one of the greatest decades ever. This entire film is like a surreal acid trip and it's so damn wacky that you can't help but love it. It makes no sense and the acting is terrible for the most part, but the special effects still look pretty cool by today's standards. If you are fan of either Michael Jackson or crazy B movies then it's worth your time to try to find this film. Due to licensing issues, it has never been released officially in the U.S. but there is a release in the UK that you can import. Side note: there was also a video game version of the film released for Sega Genesis that is hilarious to play.
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