Cult Horror: Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare (2014)

Did someone say Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare?

How does that feel? Worse than a
Republican debate?
While I can’t fault them for trying, Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare is terrible, and not just for a campy low-budget horror flick. I’m usually all aboard the crappy B movie train, but this film tried my patience immensely. The plot is basic: crazy killer guy wearing a mask slaughters nubile young women at a slumber party. His choice of a rusty drill could have been a riot, but the gore effects are so laughably bad that it makes the kills embarrassing to watch. I’m talking bottom of the barrel special effects that look like they are straight out of a student film. So the main attraction of the film, the gore, isn’t handled well. 

What’s left? Tons of horrible ad-libbed “conversations’ between the three main actresses. The performances are absolutely atrocious and I am not kidding when I say I have seen porn with better acting. The actor who plays the killer has this really weird stilted delivery of all of his lines and it is so bad that I burst out laughing every time he said something. I have no idea why the director though we would want to listen to extended awkward conversations between young women who have zero character development. I shit you not, there is a fifteen minute scene in which we watch the chicks cook hotdogs on a BBQ grill, apply condiments and sit down and eat them, all while idly chatting to each other about random stuff. It’s like watching home videos except you don’t know the people and don’t give a crap.
Man, I hope I get to show my boobies
in this movie. 
There were a couple funny moments but they were few and far between. You know you are in trouble when an hour and fourteen minute long movie feels like it’s dragging. Whatever camera they used to film it looked quite cheap as well, which would have worked if they had tried to make it a “found footage” style film. As it is, it just looks amateurish. The music is sparse but what is there is completely generic. The cover art for the DVD release is super cool with a retro-style painted look—it made me much more interested to see the film. Even as a B movie/horror fan I cannot recommend this movie to anyone.

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-Michelle Kisner