Did someone say Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare?
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How does that feel? Worse than a
Republican debate? |
While I can’t fault them for trying, Teenage Slumber Party Nightmare is terrible, and not just for a campy
low-budget horror flick. I’m usually all aboard the crappy B movie train, but
this film tried my patience immensely. The plot is basic: crazy killer guy
wearing a mask slaughters nubile young women at a slumber party. His choice of
a rusty drill could have been a riot, but the gore effects are so laughably bad
that it makes the kills embarrassing to watch. I’m talking bottom of the barrel
special effects that look like they are straight out of a student film. So the
main attraction of the film, the gore, isn’t handled well.
What’s left? Tons of horrible ad-libbed “conversations’ between
the three main actresses. The performances are absolutely atrocious and I am
not kidding when I say I have seen porn with better acting. The actor who plays
the killer has this really weird stilted delivery of all of his lines and it is
so bad that I burst out laughing every time he said something. I have no idea
why the director though we would want to listen to extended awkward
conversations between young women who have zero character development. I shit
you not, there is a fifteen minute scene in which we watch the chicks cook hotdogs
on a BBQ grill, apply condiments and sit down and eat them, all while idly chatting
to each other about random stuff. It’s like watching home videos except you don’t
know the people and don’t give a crap.
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Man, I hope I get to show my boobies
in this movie. |
There were a couple funny moments but they were few and far
between. You know you are in trouble when an hour and fourteen minute long movie
feels like it’s dragging. Whatever camera they used to film it looked quite
cheap as well, which would have worked if they had tried to make it a “found
footage” style film. As it is, it just looks amateurish. The music is sparse but
what is there is completely generic. The cover art for the DVD release is super
cool with a retro-style painted look—it made me much more interested to see the
film. Even as a B movie/horror fan I cannot recommend this movie to anyone.
Share this review, sucker.
