The
Legend of Hercules: Trash, Treasure, or used Toilet Tissue?
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| "Constipation!!!!!" |
It's
a good thing they called this The LEGEND of Hercules, because it doesn't have
much to do with the stories found in Greek mythology. New to Blu Ray and DVD
today, most of the names are the same as the classic literature, but they took
a lot of liberties in making this a B-movie popcorn affair.
The
laughably bad parts were, surprisingly, few and far between. There's a fight
between Hercules and a CGI Lion that has worse graphics than most Xbox 360
games. During an arena fight, Hercules' enemy jumps up on a tall railing, draws
two swords, and jumps at our hero. In the next cut, where he jumps down toward
Hercules, the swords are missing from his hands!
There
are a few scenes where it looks like the actors are standing in front of
backdrops donated by the local public school's fifth grade art class. I also
cracked up at the presence of modern WWE wrestling moves in Greece circa 1200
B.C., including the choke slam, suplex, and back body drop.
To
be fair, the movie flows competently. Director Renny Harlin knew exactly what
he wanted to make: A generic popcorn movie that would appeal to teenagers who
can't get into R-rated movies yet. He uses 3D effects pretty well, but not in
any ways you haven't seen before.
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| "Enough of this violence! Can we just get to the gladiator sex already?" |
The
actors chew through the dialogue with proper British accents, fortunately never
taking their parts too seriously (well, except for Scott Adkins, who does a
pretty bad Gerard Butler impersonation for most of the movie). The hardest
thing about describing this movie is trying to put it into a specific genre. I
think it's the first time I've ever seen a movie with so much action that still
qualifies as a chick flick. That's it! It's an action chick flick.
Ladies
and some men will go gaga over Kellan Lutz as Hercules, who doesn't wear a
shirt in the movie at all, at least to my recollection. Hercules never waivers
in his good hearted nature, existing only to be reunited with the love of his
life, Hebe, who's (naturally) been designated to marry Hercules' half brother,
Iphicles, who's basically the "Loki" to Hercules' "Thor"
from The Avengers.The half-brothers did a good enough job of playing their
roles to have me cheering for Hercules at the end. There was enough action to
keep me interested, and the movie never really bogs down in pointless dialogue. Definitely worth a look on rental, but buyers
beware of mediocraty. 
-Tom McDaniel