Cinematic Releases: Blood Widow

The Movie Sleuth had a chance to check out Blood Widow before its release.

"Isn't my mask highly original?"
Blood Widow is possibly the blandest horror film I have had the displeasure of watching. If you got together with a bunch of your fellow horror buffs, and then compiled a list of all the most overused horror film clich├ęs, this film would check every single item off on that list. There is not one original idea or concept introduced in this film; I am almost impressed by how utterly pedestrian and banal it is.
It starts off with the most boring premise ever: a good looking couple in their early twenties buys a house next to a creepy abandoned boarding school; unbeknownst to them, a killer resides in the aforementioned creepy boarding school, and he's out for blood. Yawn. There are a lot of horror movies with crappy plots and predictable characters, so you might be wondering why I'm so hard on this one.
I realize that many horror films don’t boast Oscar-caliber scripts or deep character development, but they usually make up for it with buckets of gore and a high body count. This film doesn’t have a kill until almost 45 minutes into the story, which wouldn’t be so bad if the acting and plot were not so unbearably horrible. I don’t watch horror films to see twenty minute house party scenes complete with horrendously misplaced techno music. I watch them to see people getting maimed in interesting ways and (hopefully) heads getting chopped off.
"These chains excite me....
more than this movie...."
The gore is nothing special, as there are only a few kills, and they are few and far between. The main killer’s outfit is a hodgepodge of ideas taken from other, better slasher films. He wears an all black outfit with a white mask. Really? Could you be any more generic? The killer reveal can be seen from space and the characters are so underdeveloped and idiotic that you end up rooting for the killer to take them out.
On a positive note, this film has a nice look to it, and it’s apparent they had a decent budget for nice camera equipment. It’s a shame they wasted it on making the most boring horror film in existence. I cannot recommend this film to anyone, and even the staunchest horror fans should avoid it.

-Michelle Kisner