Fifty Shades of We Can't Stand Each Other - A Press Junket Gone Wrong

It appears not all is well in the land of whips and chains. 

"Now look at that body language.
Are you aroused yet?"

As British director Sam Taylor-Johnson’s hotly anticipated film adaptation of the erotic S&M novel Fifty Shades of Grey draws nearer and nearer toward its Valentine’s Day release, another, far more embarrassing animal of sorts has cropped up just prior to the film’s release. According to numerous video interviews with the two leading onscreen lovers, played by Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, the two actors couldn’t be more repulsed by one another’s company or more dismayed by what they allowed themselves to participate in. 

Virtually every picture of the two at press conferences or screen premieres just screams mutual disdain, as if two magnetic dipoles were surgically implanted in each other’s bodies propelling each other apart. Then there’s the much discussed sexual content performed by the two actors, often referred to as a “task” with almost grudging discomfort visible both on their faces and in their words. Between awkward sighs, eye-rolling about with an air of contention, including Dakota Johnson’s own admission she wishes people won’t see the film, Fifty Shades of Grey is quickly shaping up to be this generation’s most misbegotten sex turkey since Paul Verhoeven’s Showgirls or Uli Edel’s Body of Evidence. 

Whether or not the fallout of the film’s clunky promotional tour will ultimately affect sales remains to be seen, as well as how unintentionally funny it all may turn out to be.

-Andrew Kotwicki

"Look how comfortable we are. Now bend over."