The low brow Lake Placid vs Anaconda will be available on DVD and streaming services on August 4th.
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| "Look at that awesome CGI!! Oh, the joys of the advancements in technology!" |
With a title like Lake
Placid vs Anaconda you would expect nothing less than exactly that – a
giant crocodile facing off with a giant snake. Well, the joke’s on us, because
if that’s what you came for we get hardly any of that. Taking two of what I
consider to be frightening, entertaining, and guilty pleasure movies, Lake Placid (1999) and Anaconda (1997) and combining them,
“But wait, isn’t Robert Englund in this!? It’s gotta be
so bad it’s good, right?”
Wrong. Robert Englund, obviously the only person who
can, ya know, act, plays the town drunkard who knows the land and the
crocodiles within it. Lake Placid has now accepted the giant crocks into its
habitat, but citizens are very cautious so, by putting electric fences around
them, the town can now go about their merry way by splitting Lake Placid into
two lakes, Clear Lake and Black Lake. Gee, I wonder which one the crocodiles
live in? Without any exposition or tie-in to ‘99 Lake Placid or ’97 Anaconda,
you are expected to be automatically invested in this stale plot. Robert
Englund got paid to do what he does best, be Robert Englund. His role in what
could have been a ridiculously awesome monster flick was the only thing keeping
my eyes on the TV. Sadly, even Englund was underused.
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| "That's it. I'm gonna sit here and drink until they announce a new Freddy movie. Gonna be a while...." |
Lake
Placid vs. Anaconda couldn’t save itself from looking awful
either. If you can’t afford good CGI, then at least make it over-the-top enough
to be amusing. The reptiles looked like Playstation 1 full motion video and
none of the actors knew how to pretend to be scared. Director A. B. Stone got
the bare minimum out of his actors and it shows because there are so many
reused shots. ADR is clumsily dumped into most scenes, opting for stupid jokes
instead of meaningful dialogue. I would rather have silence. Better yet, turn
this off. Lake Placid vs., Anaconda
is a waste of everyone’s time, but there are boobs! Wherever this was shot was
gorgeous, but the cinematographer didn’t seem to care.
All I could think of
while watching this movie is I that would rather be camping there. Oh, and what am I
going to make for dinner? What are my cats up to? Did I get the mail? I feel
like Oliver Platt’s character Hector in Lake
Placid. Respect the dragon.
-H