 |
There is an entire world of cinema seething beneath the underbelly of mainstream Hollywood.
|
These are bizzare and inexplicable films made with small budgets, sometimes no talent, but usually with a whole lot of love. I am here to be your guide, a trash-film Charon, if you will. Let me ferry you to the land of shitty B movies and obscure oddities. Come...take my hand and we shall depart.
For Your Height Only (1981)
This is one of those movies that has to be seen to be believed. A Filipino James Bond parody starring Weng Weng, an actor afflicted with primordial dwarfism. Weng Weng clocked in at only 2'9" making him the shortest man ever to have the lead in a feature film. Now, exploitation films are not known for being kind to actors with real life disabilities, but in For Your Height Only, Weng Weng, who plays Agent 00, is a bad ass in every sense of the word. He gets all the ladies, has a shit load of cool gadgets (to include a jet pack), does a bunch of death-defying stunts, and uses his small stature to surprise his enemies in clever ways. Also, he has giant nipples.
Available on DVD from Mondo Macabro.
Ninja Terminator (1985)
Godfrey Ho is a schlocky film entrepreneur who is known for making approximately ten million low budget '80s films featuring ninjas. He reuses footage and loves to splice together unrelated films to create new ones resulting in the films making no goddamn sense whatsoever. In the case of Ninja Terminator Ho has put a kicking rad '80s ninja movie and a groovy Korean '70s kung-fu flick into a blender and as you would expect it's not a seamless mix. Other highlights include a ninja who has a Garfield phone, killer crabs, some pretty good fight choreography, a Yakuza boss with a penchant for cheap blonde synthetic wigs, and a menacing toy robot who is used for intimidation purposes.
Available on DVD by Tango Entertainment.
Mad Foxes (1981)
If you have a pressing need to watch Spanish films about Nazi biker gangs then your search is over, Mad Foxes is here to fulfill your wildest dreams. This flick is definitely on the sleazier side of things with rape scenes mixed with ridiculous fight scenes. Marvel as a Nazi biker gang funeral (they apparently burn their dead like the Vikings) is interrupted by group of kung-fu fighters! Witness two people having sex in a bathtub filled with unexplained yellow water! Feast your eyes upon the copious male full frontal nudity and the plethora of floppy dongs on display! If that isn't enough for you, there is even some Nazi dominatrix action!
Available on German all-region Blu-Ray by VIP.
Cellar Dweller (1988)
Cellar Dweller was written by Don Mancini (famous for writing many of the Child's Play films) and directed by John Carl Buechler who is also known for his makeup and special effects work. The plot is a rather thin, a monster that springs forth from the pages of a comic book murders a house full of hipster artists. Like many creature features, it's obvious the movie is centered around showcasing the monster and practical effects but it's still a pretty fun time! Jeffery Combs is in it for the first five minutes even! There are boobs, people being eaten, and the ending is damn trippy.
Available on DVD and Blu-Ray by Shout Factory.
The Dungeonmaster (1984)
This flick is a pseudo-anthology which concerns the exploits of a computer programmer (he's nerdy cause he has giant glasses) who gets sucked into another world to fight an evil wizard known as Mestema (Richard Moll). He, along with his girlfriend and his trusty sentient arm computer X-CaliBR8 has to overcome the seven challenges that the wizard has put forth. Each challenge has a different theme such as ice cavern, hellscape, and modern day crime story (what in the hell). All of the segments are directed by various people and they employ all different kinds of methods, such as animation, stop-motion, and puppets. All in all, it's a fun romp that goes by quickly due to the constant changing of scenery and short run time.
Available on DVD and Blu-Ray by Shout Factory.
--Michelle Kisner