Blu-ray Releases: The Boy Downstairs (2017) Reviewed

Never in all my years have I ever seen such a transgressively terrible romance. I'm almost tempted to just skip over reviewing The Boy Downstairs, because there really isn't much good in dissecting it in the first place. It's such a standard, run-of-the-mill romantic dramedy that you might almost turn it off halfway through because you already know what's gonna happen next. 

Isn't It Romantic came out earlier this month and turned the genre on its side in an all-out parody of those cheeky love movies that are so popular among teenage to middle aged women. Admittedly, they're the perfect kind of date movie, and if I were forced to go out to see a romance with a date at this very moment, I'd say that film is the best one to go see. Conversely, we have The Boy Downstairs, a low budget, third-rate love story that ticks off every necessary box in the list of stereotypes without actually making an effort to have anything interesting come about from it.

I have a very specific reason for avoiding these kinds of saccharine love stories. They almost always end up following the same laid out pattern that can practically be plotted out right from the start. Every uncomfortable beat was hit exactly on cue, every attempt to throw some kind of unexpected twist your way comes out unbelievably haphazard and awkward. There isn't even much cause for its various random McGuffins- instead, we get treated to a selection of flashbacks that try to tell us how happy Diana was with her then-lover Ben.

And I haven't even started on the kind of quips that made my head spin as to how anyone worth their salt in comedy would think they're funny. "Don't you think it's an issue that I'm on parole?" isn't exactly something you want to find yourself saying to your future landlord when applying for a possible place of residence; and even if it were a joke, where's the punchline? The entire script is a hack job of humor that had my eyes rolling straight into the back of my head until I couldn't see straight anymore. 

There's not really much more that can be said about The Boy Downstairs aside from countless repeating complaints on its total lifelessness and lack of overall aptitude in its script and performances. It's a really ugly movie with ofttimes unintentionally hilarious dialogue (in a comedy, no less). It would be pointless for me to continue rambling on about this because it'll all lead back to the same conclusion: avoid this at all costs.

-Wes Ball