When I want to just turn off my brain
and have a good time with a fun, cheesy movie, my go-to cinematic
niche is '80s creature features. You know – stuff like the House
movies, The Gate,
Ghoulies, Spookies,
The Kindred, Neon
Maniacs... the heavier with
old-school practical special effects, the better. Of the many reasons
why Arrow is probably my current favorite blu-ray distributor, a key
reason is that they seem to agree. Not only have they given
Criterion-worthy special editions to genre classics like the House
films, CHUD,
and Basket Case,
they've also given equally lavish treatment to a whole bunch of
overlooked, underseen, or long-unavailable films of this sort, and
given them a new lease on life as rediscovered cult favorites.
They've done this with at least a couple once-obscure VHS-era
underdog favorites of mine that were extremely rare when I first
stumbled upon them in a video store as a teenager: the supernatural
slasher flick The Slayer
and the lo-fi but high-gore monsterfest The Deadly Spawn.
So naturally when Arrow announced that they were working on the first
ever disc-format release of Scared Stiff,
a film so overlooked that the DVD medium had missed it entirely, and
that I had never seen despite years of working in a video store in
my youth, I was beyond excited, and filled with hope that this could
be another overlooked low-budget gem like some of those that I
mentioned above. The cover art (seen above in both its standard
version and a DiabolikDVD-exclusive slipcase) and the trailer give
the impression of a lower-budget cousin to House and
House II, which is
both a tantalizing proposition, and big shoes to fill...
The
Film:
The
cover art isn't entirely misleading: eventually Scared
Stiff
does indeed let loose with some truly wild special effects scenes and
funhouse dream-logic that makes it feel like a long-lost House
sequel.
But it takes its sweet time getting there, never really unleashing
the craziness until the last 25 minutes or so, which makes it feel
too slow for its own good despite the brief 80-minute running-time.
The result is a film that has really, really fun sections that are
almost worth the price of admission, but ultimately leave the viewer
frustrated that the movie as a whole isn't as good as its strong last
act shows that it could be. Like the House
movies (not to beat that horse to death as a reference point, but the
similarities are so strong that they're unavoidable), Scared
Stiff
is a mix of haunted house and creature feature. It begins on a high
note, with a fast-paced, atmospheric and aggressive prologue showing
the backstory of how the house in question – a plantation house
owned by a particularly cruel and sadistic slave-owner – came to be
cursed by a group of slaves who practiced black magic. Then the film
rejoins the present day, as a psychologically-troubled rock star, her
boyfriend, and her equally troubled son move into the house and soon
start seeing evidence of the curse. The curse manifests as ghostly
apparitions, objects moving around on their own, a heavy presence of
pigeons (one of the script's weirder narrative choices, to be sure),
eventually some creature action, and in a B-grade homage to The
Shining,
a looming threat that the boyfriend has been possessed by something
evil. All the – theoretical – ingredients of a funhouse horror
movie.
The
concept is solid (if derivative – but when have we held that
against an '80s B-grade horror flick, as long as it's fun?), and the
occult mythology that the film builds up is cool. When it gives us
some practical creature or gore effects they're very well-done, and
very colorful and over-the-top in an EC Comics kind of way. The
problem is that the film holds back for far too long: we get
tantalizing glimpses of craziness, but not kicking things into high
gear until almost the one-hour mark is a near-fatal mistake. Under
different circumstances it could have, I suppose, been a slow-burn
leading to a crazy payoff, but the problem is that the film just
isn't good enough to achieve the “burn” of that descriptor; it's
just... slow. I have heard Scared
Stiff
described as a horror/comedy, but it really isn't funny... nor is its
slow middle 45-minutes or so particularly dramatic or atmospheric.
It's kind of just... there. There are moments of comedy, like an
oddly TV-obsessed detective side-character, but none of it really
works. More than anything else, the middle of the film feels like it
isn't quite sure what tone to take, or what to do with itself until
the horror of the story reaches its crescendo. By the end of the
second act Scared
Stiff
feels overlong, even though less than an hour has passed by this
point. It doesn't help that the story leans frustratingly hard on the
old trope of no one in the movie believing the main character because
she has a history of psychological struggles, or that there are major
events that no one seems to notice even though they really should.
Once
the film finally does kick into high gear at the top of act three, it
does at last turn into the movie that it seems like it wanted to be
all along. The last act is a blast, thanks to the great atmosphere
and wild, well-crafted effects. But at this point it feels perilously
close to too little, too late. Which is really a shame, because
what's on offer in the final stretch makes me want to like the movie
as a whole more than I can. A lot could have been solved by not
making the film so back-heavy with the effects-fueled craziness, and
sprinkling it more evenly throughout, like House
1 and 2 do. The director was still in his early-20s when he made the
film, and perhaps his inexperience is to blame for the film's erratic
nature. It either needed more consistent pacing, or for the
performances, script, and direction to be better enough to sell a
slow-burn. Since neither of those things occurred, what we are left
with is a solid opening sequence and a really fun last act bookending
a thoroughly mediocre middle section that will mostly just make you
think that you'd be better off watching House
II.
The Transfer:
While
the film itself may have disappointed, Arrow never does. For a film
that hasn't seen the light of day since VHS – and considering that
(according to the extras) the producer responded to Arrow's interest
in releasing the film with “I hope I can actually find the
negative” – Scared
Stiff
looks shockingly good in its new 2k restoration. There are only a
couple noticeable moments of wear or damage to the negative; for the
most part it looks pristine. Details are strong, colors are rich, and
the whole thing has a nice-looking grain structure. The same goes for
the audio: it's as crisp and clean as the source material really
allows. For a 32-year-old low-budget film that has been neglected for
most of those years, I don't think it could look or sound better.
The Extras:
As
usual, this is a place where Arrow's release really shines. For a
film this obscure, they easily could have gotten away with releasing
their new transfer supplemented by just a commentary and a couple
interviews and fans still would have been more than happy, but
instead, in classic Arrow fashion they worked with Red Shirt Pictures
to make a new half-hour documentary about the film's production. The
doc includes most of the key behind-the-scenes figures including the
director, producer, and three special effects artists, as well as two
of the film's stars. A doc about the production of Scared
Stiff
seems so unlikely that several of those people comment in their
interviews about how they can't believe that anyone is talking to
them about this film three decades later. It is a very interesting,
very fun doc that is quite detailed and insightful, and it will
absolutely leave viewers with a greater appreciation for the film.
The in-depth look at the special effects work – definitely the
movie's strongest point – is so full of genuine passion and
fondness for the project that it once again made me wish that I could
like the film more than I do. Adding to the excellent doc are an
interview with the film's score composer about writing the main
character's pop single, and a lively and informative commentary by
the director and producer. All in all it is an excellent package,
going above and beyond for such an obscure film – which is exactly
the attitude that makes us love Arrow so much.
Is
this blu-ray worth picking up? If you're a fan of Scared
Stiff,
then absolutely; if you're a newcomer to it, then... maybe. The disc
is spectacular, but I'm not sure if the film itself is really worth
the $30. It's a fun enough watch, and almost worth the price of
admission for the delightfully insane last act. But it's just too
uneven, and too slow in its long middle stretch, to be worth a
wholehearted recommendation. There are worse '80s horror movies, but
there are also definitely better ones. This has its strong points
that are absolutely worth a look, especially if you're a fan of the
House
films
and want something new that has a similar appeal, but they're too
clustered together to make the film really work on the whole. But of
course mileage definitely varies when it comes to what we all enjoy
in cheesy '80s B-movies, so you might be more forgiving of its flaws
than I was. Check it out if you love this type of film as much as I
do – but it's best to think of it as a “rent, not buy”
situation.
Score
for the film:
Score
for the blu-ray:
-
Christopher S. Jordan
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